To Be or Not To Be

Why am I willing to stand in the town square naked at this time? For me, it is a matter of life and death.

For years I have written pieces only for my personal use. Often I even discarded what I wrote so no-one but myself knew what I had written.

Now, I want to write what I think and feel and I want it to be seen. I want to be seen. And heard.

Why now?

Because I have been living in the shadows for way too long. I have played it safe. I kept my cards close to the chest and no-one really knew what I thought because I didn’t tell them. 

The cost of this has been that I feel like I’m just passing through life. Yes, I have had children, and now a grandchild, so something will be left of me after I’m gone. But on my tombstone it will have my name and dates of existence. Maybe beloved mother, daughter, wife. But no-one who passes that tombstone will know who I was. This writing out in public is my way of leaving behind some truth of who I am. 

I don’t want a generic headstone. I want my kids to write on my tombstone something that is specific to me. Maybe, “she really loved dogs,” or “she was a pretty good cook,” or even, “Man, could she fart.” That would be better than “here lies Karen, generic beloved etc. etc. etc.” At least a passerby some time in the future might pass by my headstone and get a snapshot of who I was. Or even a good laugh.